Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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