my soul wont recognize me after tonight
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
