i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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