whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
