We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
