Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
