I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
