I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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