I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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