I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
