I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
