I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
