i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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