I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
