i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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