the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
