i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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