well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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