i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
