She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
