I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
