Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
