i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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