I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
