non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
my poor anus
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
