You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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