It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
