my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
