tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
did you just send me my own nude
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
