I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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