I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
