I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
