Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
