a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
