im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
