apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
