I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
