He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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