he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
