it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
