oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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