what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
