i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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