they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
