I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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