were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
