i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
