i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
