We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
