Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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