Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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