Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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