she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
