Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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