Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
