Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
