Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
